Our Story
By a Xytex Client

My partner and I are women. At the age of 30, I felt an overwhelming desire to have a baby sooner rather than later, in case I should want more than one. I was sure that I was meant to be a mom.

My partner, at the beginning less assured and more apprehensive than I, came around rather quickly to the idea, and with the utmost respect said she would never take away my right to have a child, and loved me too much to ever leave me because that was my desire. We forged ahead and began our journey.

I could go on and on about what we tried, when and how, to achieve our pregnancy. But the focus here is on sperm donation and in particular, our experience with Xytex. My partner is African American and I am of Italian descent. From the onset of our search for a donor and for the right bank, we wanted an African-American donor, as I would be carrying the baby with my egg. We were surprised to find that African-American donors are more difficult to come by in comparison to their Caucasian counterparts. I came across Xytex and found that the selection was far larger at the time than many of the other leading sperm banks. Our finances were limited and when we realized they had a credit line you could apply for, we began looking even closer at their selection of African-American donors.

When I first saw an adult photo of our donor, who is anonymous, I knew he was our donor. I’m not sure why or how I knew that, whether it was the look in his eyes, his smile or simply his overall good looks that initially drew me in. When I studied his profile, I was further assured, finding him extremely smart, a "thinker" if you will--introspective, well intentioned and with a wonderful medical history. There was no doubt that he was "the one," and when I shared his profile with my partner, she too was immediately drawn in, making our decision very easy.

We purchased three vials. I spoke at length on the phone with Phoebe, who never tired of my endless questions about her impressions of the donor, and always showed me the greatest level of patience and understanding. Really, Phoebe and her opinion of our donor helped me to eventually decide on him.

Our first cycle of trying ended in a devastating early miscarriage. However, the second cycle of trying ended in the creation of my most prized possession, the love of my life, our son, who was born on December 22, 2006. He is everything I perceive our anonymous donor to be. I am astounded at how smart he is, how handsome he is, and thankfully how healthy he is. He is all I ever could have wished for.

Since our son’s birth, we have kept in touch with Xytex and have become very well acquainted with both Amber and Mary. We are in desperate need of more vials as we are certain now that we would like our son to have a sibling. When you have a wonderful experience with one donor, and they ARE the other half of your child, it is difficult to imagine using another. We have been placed on a waiting list and hope that over the course of the next year or so, we will be able to purchase further vials.

Recently we were contacted by Xytex. They had reached out to our donor in an attempt to reinstate him in the program for another couple. He informed Xytex that he had recently developed kidney cancer and shared that the prognosis was good, and that he had the tumor removed surgically and did not require any further treatment. Xytex informed us of our donor’s updated medical information. While one might say that is what should have been done, I was grateful that they were forthright with the information. I was further impressed with our donor for sharing the information with Xytex when again, in our world today, he didn’t have to, and many would not have.

As the mother of my child, I have experienced very mixed feelings over the past 21 months of his life regarding the anonymity of our donor. While in the beginning it seemed to be a less important consideration, there is a part of me now that wished he were open identity, for my son’s sake. Upon the knowledge of our donor’s medical developments, I asked Mary if she would ask him if he would be open to hearing from us, the recipients. She was ever so helpful and contacted him and asked him if he would be open to receiving a letter I had written to him. He responded saying that he was not comfortable with it at this time, but that his feelings may someday change.

I am comforted to know that Amber and Mary know of our desires both for future vials from our donor as well as our desire to reach out to our donor. I trust them, as I trust Xytex wholeheartedly and thank goodness that we chose this bank to work with on the growth of our family, the most important decision we have ever made. If we do need to use another donor for our next child, I really have a difficult time imagining using another cryobank, and am almost certain that we would again use a donor from Xytex.

Thank you, Xytex, for all you’ve done for us.

If you are interested in sharing your story for an upcoming issue of Xytex Xtra, please contact us at xytex@xytex.com.