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Summer

My journey to becoming a Single Mom by Choice was something I hadn’t really planned for. Growing up in the south, I had come to accept a series of milestones that society told me needed to be met in specific order: graduate high school, go to college, get married, have children.

At 34, I found myself dating honestly without much thought as to whether I wanted to have a child of my own. It was only when my boyfriend at the time informed me that he planned to have a vasectomy and didn’t want children that I found myself having to consider if it was something I wanted for my life or if I could be happy long-term never having that experience. We ultimately broke up, but that thought remained in the back of my mind. As I continued dating, I found myself becoming more aware of my age and feeling pressure to figure out very quickly if I could see a future with someone to avoid wasting time that I no longer felt I had.

Once I realized that pressure was coming from me subconsciously admitting to myself that I did want a child, my focus shifted to what I needed to do to make that happen. Of course, I could have continued dating and maybe I would have had a child from one of those relationships, but I didn’t want to settle to make that happen. I spoke to my OB-GYN who was able to connect me to a fertility doctor and from there the process began. If you find yourself on a similar path, I can tell you that now 39 with 2 children (3 years old and 3 months old), my only regret is not starting this journey sooner.

They say, “It takes a village to raise a child.” As someone without much of a village, I can tell you that while I’m sure a village would make it easier, all it really takes is a mother who loves and is willing to do anything for her child(ren). There’s no longer a single path to motherhood. You don’t have to wait for life to happen. You don’t have to wait for someone to choose you or tell you you’re enough to have a family. You can simply believe you’re enough exactly as you are and be brave enough to create the life you want for yourself.